Breath From Within

let your soul breath. four simple words. one simple truth.

we are all so busy trying to figure life out, to figure out our purpose, to figure out how to survive in a world that is constantly depleting our lust for life, that we forget what it's actually all about. we are endlessly turning over rocks instead of standing on them to get a better view. we are always trying to get more when we don't even spend the time to appreciate what we have. we are driven...but in the wrong direction. we are always looking outward for the answers when every answer we ever need is in ourselves. in our heart. and in our soul. but we are so busy caging up those answers because we are afraid of them and we don't believe they exist in our cockfight reality.

but they do.

when is the last time you stood alone with nature and listened to peace resting in the breeze? when is the last time you took a second to stare at the intricacies of a flower as it bloomed in the sunshine? when is the last time you just spent a moment with yourself without worrying about anyone or anything else?

your soul is that flower yearning to bask in the suns gentle rays. it is that peace pining to rest its weary self in the wind. it is the part of you that exists beyond this world. you just have to trust it. trust yourself. and let. your soul. breath.

7 lbs 6 oz

I remember the first day I held you. Your squishy little body delicately folded in my clumsy arms. I thought I was going to break you. But, you looked up at me with such trust, like you knew that your tiny pattering heart was, from this point on, forever connected with mine. My kindred spirit; my saving grace. Your guileless giggle caressed my ears and wrapped me in a blanket of innocence. A smile broke across my face. You were seeing everything for the first time...and so was I. I saw the whole world in your baby blue eyes. I heard the secrets of the wind in your worldless mumbles. And I felt an irreprable eruption of love in my once forsaken heart. With one sweet touch, you changed my world from a wasteland of crumpled efforts to a blank page of possiblilites. And for that, I am forever in your debt.

Grown Ups Lie

I had set my alarm the night before. Twice. I wanted to make sure I would be up with the sun because that was prime morning dew time. The anticipation that was burbling through my tiny six-year-old body woke me minutes before the chime of my alarm clock had the chance. As the sleepy sun peaked over the mountains, I jolted out of bed and clambered out of the house throwing myself face first onto the freshly dewed lawn.
I squeezed my eyes shut and shoved my freckled face into the grass, swiping it back and forth until I couldn't hold my breath anymore. Satisfied with my efforts, I tore myself off the ground and bolted into the bathroom, like a dog after a bone, to see if it worked. As my eyes met my reflection my heart sank to a depth it had never felt before. Disappointment? Confusion? Anger? At six years old, I honestly didn't have a word for how betrayed I felt.
I had done everything just like he had told me to do...but my freckles were still relentlessly splattered across my tanned cheeks showing no promise of disappearing. Did I do it wrong? Did I not do it enough?
As I stood there in dismay with my eyes locked on the mirror a rumble of laughter rolled through the room. I slowly turned to find my parents leaning in the kitchen door frame looking at me with pitiful humor dancing in their eyes. What was so funny? What was I missing?
It was just a joke, they said. Uncle Rick tricked me. He was lying. I learned a new word that day. Lying. I mean, I had heard it before, but I didn't really understand what it meant. At that very moment I knew one thing for certain. Grown ups lie.

Epilogue in Progress

And there she stood on the edge of the cliff. The cliff she had embraced as home. Her fists clenched reflexively at her side. Standing erect and facing forward, silently beckoning the hostile breeze that was whirling around her, pushing from every direction. Her deep mahogany eyes seemed to be searching for everything and nothing. Searching for unspoken truth. Searching for hope. Searching for every unanswered prayer. But she found nothing; nothing but a forsaken silence. Jumping from this cliff never crossed her muted mind. She had a tranquil understanding with the cliff. Her tattered clothes were gently swaying in the whispers of the wind. The rough and soiled fabric that hung helplessly off her taut skin reflected every broken heart she had tried to mend. Every frown she erased. And all the pain and suffering that she inadvertently absorbed. Though she spent her life trying to save the souls of everyone around her, her own soul was lost somewhere deep inside; wandering blindly for a glimmer of tranquility. The solid ground at the edge of the cliff was reassuring beneath her feet. The proximity of the ledge surged adrenaline through her veins as the wind's whispers escalated into a hopeless howl. Her resilience was depleting and the walls of her mind were being eroded by the flood of emotions that she had been subconsciously damming for years. She slowly let her eyes gravitate to the precipice that lingered inches from the souls of her sturdy boots. The sun was effortlessly sinking in the sea of mountains and she could feel her heart not-so-effortlessly sinking in her chest. Her soft brunette hair fluttered restlessly in the persistent wind that fiercely danced around her solemn body. And she finally embraced the modicum of emotion that was restlessly fluttering in her beaten heart as a single tear escaped and took a suicide plunge down her cheek.

step into my office

she has words jumbled in her head
like a musical arrangement that spilled off the page.
her keyboard is an instrument waiting to be played,
so her delicate fingers strum across each letter.
as words fall from her mind and pour through her veins
thoughts stay smeared in her mind like a stain.
slowly she composes her masterpiece into a poem.
as the words carelessly dance in her head
she closes her eyes and conducts them into something that can be said.
each notion beats through her heart and makes her body sing with movement.
she is the Bach of poetry
she is the translator of the senses
and she is just a girl with words jumbled in her head.