ambivalent notions

the decisions are lingering now;
the future is beckoning
the past is glaring with childish eyes,
a grin wide across its face tempting me to stay
but warning me to go with innocent snickers of naive freedom.
the present is just a wasteland of crumpled papers;
endless attempts at blindly stumbling upon the future.
my mind is numbly pirouetting around ineffable notions;
realities beyond my shapelessly inspired reach.
chagrin painted on my face for years of effortless mediocrity.
ambivalently besotted with becoming a someone
but subconsciously evading every opportunity to put one foot
in front of the other.
failure is endlessly encroaching my every aspiration.
a bittersweet giggle replays in my mind
forcing me into a stupor of mind thwarting confusion.
soft strums of the piano forcefully flow into my ears
undulatly vibrating my thoughts into words
words that will someday unbind me from my inhibitions
words that will someday set me free.